To the greatest friend I have – I know it is the disappointment that makes our heart a little heavy. The disappointment means a lot of things to me; it could mean my Ph.D isn’t good enough for the committee, it could mean somebody was better than me in their proposal or in the presentation at the interview. And honestly at this moment, I don’t want to care. I don’t want to rationalize or give detailed excuses why I didn’t get through.


Losing out on something is never fun but having tried and lost several times before through out the course of my life, it is easier to handle. Especially when losing in the first place is something beyond my control. And the Fulbright was never a part of the Ph.D plan, it just happened along the way. The Ph.D must go on!


Yes I wanted to show you the “Grand Canyon”, the “Las Vegas Show girls” it is hard for me right now to see my dreams blur away, but I have to understand that these dreams were only the periphery of my Ph.D dream. But being combative and steely as I am, I will continue to seek new dreams Grander than the Grand Canyon and lovelier that the Las Vegas Showgirls. Thank God you understand and appreciate my small and big dreams.


Last night you got up in your sleep and said “Mountain Over Mountain”, it could have been just a dream, but it kept haunting me all day. We will keep climbing mountains and tumbling down a few like Jack and Jill. But it will always be “Mountain over Mountain”. Were you dreaming of the Grand Canyon?


Why did I have to embark on the Ph.D journey, why did I have to do this, why do I want to study something obscure like diasporic film. Who would be interested in my Ph.D? I question all my intentions at this time. But the doubts only further my resolve to complete my thesis.


Before I end, I must say I have also enjoyed being interviewed by a stately, intellectual committee. They cared to assess me and my work. Anyhow thank you for being hyper about the Fulbright interview and cutting all the news articles and downloads, thank you for climbing mountain over mountain with a sometimes tiresome girl.