I took the semester off to decide on the Ph.D course.I gave it up as the blog says, but fate intervenes and I am back on that dirt track once more.

I remember once my friend Jess saying, sometimes in between a project or a relationship for that matter one must stop and ask the question - Why I started it in the first place? So many things engulf you midway that you forget your initial intention.

So let me tell you the Ph.D began because I wanted to stay alive intellectually and morally. I was wasting most of my time hanging out with the wrong guys and trapped in an office cubicle. What would most interest me and redeem me from this drudge - a Ph.D degree was the option.

I was a Communications graduate trying to make a living out of the degree, which wasn't very respected. Mass Communications is a course pursued by many too dumb to study any other course and the very few talented communicators. Communications is such a heart-of-the-matter study, that few understand the kind of cocky, creative and intellectual cocktail personality you must have to be successful.

I decided then to take to academics, but in step-by-step manner. I qualified on the NET test, that National Eligibility Test, which allows you to become a lecturer in any of the Indian Universities.I was pursuing my Ph.D because this would be the give me an edge while applying for University/College jobs. I am doing all this while maintaining a 11 hour work day.

But life intervenes I get pregnant, have a miscarriage, travel abroad. Then my husband thinks I am smart and should give up the Ph.D for an MBA. The great Indian dream of an Business degree.It would give me a chance to do almost any available job. He thinks I would give most MBA's a run for their money. I think about it, it tempts me, but I have no heart for it.

I had people say to me that I should pursue a Ph.D at 40, I wonder what that means, that your old enough and you have all the time in the world to pursue a whim called the Ph.D, why not at 31, in your prime. In my heart I know what they mean, this is a hard road.

I once more question my self about the Ph.D - I am an army wife, the frequent moves, the rarity of Universities and Colleges at postings. Is it worth the money, time and effort. I might not even be able to pursue an academic career.

But I go back to why I started a Ph.D - I want to stay alive intellectually and morally. It allows me to put energies into a worthwhile project. It is as simple as that. No complicated reasons for pursuing a Ph.D and now it just becomes a challenge.

A blog entry on Ph.D. as Preparation for Nonacademic Careers.