This was a comment posted by Gillian, my sister-in-law, who is Australian, she seems keen on exloring the cultural differences in "mothercraft" practices in Australia and India.


Possible topic: - Any comments on mothercraft practices? With Immanuel sick these last few days it has been interesting to see similarities and differences in how mother's (and especially the health professionals) in India and Australia approach child sickness. Also, generally how families interact - what is the role of the mother and father, husband and wife and who should look after the child, what the child's role is (if any) in the family.

These questions also come up in films like Water (watched yesterday with Sharon and Emelia while Immanuel got some much needed sleep) where children are married off without even knowing, and John Abraham's character makes the comment that his father beleived in children being children or somehting to that effect. To me it seems the point of the film is to apply reasoning and responsibity to our actions even if we need to do so in the face of traditional practies.

From my observations within my own family, and from my husbands and the wider multi-cultural community in Australia, I beleive that the parents have such an important role to play in how they teach their children values and their future roles. In particular I think that mothers, as women, need to be aware of how they teach both their sons and daughters what a woman's role is. For example, many mothers in the Italian immigrant community in Australia spoil their sons rotten, not allowing them to lift a finger to help around the house or in the kitchen, and demand that their daughters do this instead. This teaches the daughters that their role is to keep men happy, and the sons also learn this is the role of the women. In many cases the sons do not appreciate the work of their mothers and sisters and do not learn respect for these women in their lives or understand the work involved in maintaining a house and looking after children. Apart from the expectations that the son carries into his next relationships, he also does not learn to be responsible for himself, and this limits him capcity as a human in many areas of his life.

While this has been very simply summarised, and each family is obviously different it saddens me to see in films and in my own family how children reap the rewards of parents failure to address relationship inequalities in their roles as husband and wife and parents lack of forethought in teaching their children the individual value of each person and the need to respect everybody, whether male or female -


I beleive that children need respect and responsibility and need to learn this also, whether girls or boys. The hope is that while each generation inherits patterns of relationships from their parents, they also have the opportunity to improve on them. I think I strayed from the mothercraft topic, but I would like to make a comment on mothercraft, that while we can learn valuable practices from our parents and especially mothers, and should value and appreciate their knowledge and experience, we must also be careful not to take this information for granted and be able to apply their knowledge in conjunction with our own; there are reasons for particular mothercraft practices that do not apply to current circumstances and may instead be harmful. On the other hand there are practises that will always be applicable, even if they have not been scientifically validated. The maxim that "mothers know best" is not always right and places the mothers knowledge and experience above reasoning, perhaps it would better be said that "mothers know a lot of things"!

Enough of my own comments - hope to see some of yours!


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I hope for some of you to give me your comments on "Mothercraft Practices".

I have never been this busy. The new Ph.d proposal, the family, husband working on his own project. I've been doing some juggling with the Ph.D. More on that later.

Since I can't get to think of something to blog about, I'll sign off and come back tomorrow with another Indian cultural musing.

Unfortunately I haven't clubbed much, because I wasn't allowed to in my teen years and when I hit my 20's I lost interest because I believed the clubbers were trying hard to have fun and it was more of a be-seen place. I loved (still do) dancing but couldn't connect with the music they played, the trance. Just one line with repetitive synthesized beats.

I loved the more country n western and popular dance music , so I started to organize dance parties at home with friends and family. Even all girl dance parties while in college.

When I moved to Hong Kong for a year, I partied all night, at all the clubs on Lan Kwai Fung (The bar and club road in Central). I loved it, because the clubs were small and played live music on certain nights. It was a relaxed air while partying and downing beers.Because it was fine to party there culturally.

Today I have no time nor inclination to go clubbing, it is too expensive, too impersonal an environment to enjoy it anymore. Most clubs in India are located in the five star hotels, the few that are outside are expensive and most only the metro cities of Mumbai, Bangalore, Delhi and Calcutta have them. Goa has many parties and clubs too. Of course visited only by the rich n' famous, curious youth, western tourists and the once in a while party goer.

I don't think India, will boast of many dance clubs at all except for Mumbai. Economic success of the 20 something BPO executive, even better awareness of dance music won't help. "Clubbing" has some notorius connotations linked to violence, gangsters and villains. Just have a look at Bollywood movies, the club is the battle ground of vice and moral decay. Hindu Fundamentalists believe "clubbing" to be a western notorius influence. Also maintaining a club is big money that even the wisest of business men don't enjoy getting into The Fire n Ice club in Mumbai had to be closed for ownership feuds. Only the European and American business men who can afford to juggle and trendspot the next dance music and club rave can take the chance.


What do people who aren't clubbers do:

Hire a DJ and rock at private parties, weddings and birthdays. At my wedding we had a Punjabi DJ and a make shift dance floor that was jam packed with our guests. That was as far a club as we will go.

If you can't get to a club, get the club home. Affordable DJ's who will play your type of music are your answer. Well there are silent revolutions on the dance club music scene here in India- Submerge.

Submerge was essentially born out of frustration. When we first began in 2003, it was because there was no alternative to the mainstream. No matter where you went, you got the same old music and the same tired experience.

So, we created a night that we could play the music that we wanted to hear, that we wanted to move to. We wanted to play the latest tracks from the global club scene because that’s we were into. It wasn’t about catering to the masses; it was about being on the cutting-edge of music, listening to the best in House and Progressive music.

"Submerge" DJ's travel all over the country to play their music at clubs, parties, pubs and other events.

For reviews of Mumbai night clubs: Click

Major P, has received his posting. We leave in July to go live in Meerut, a small town in India close to New Delhi the capital of India.


1. It is the oldest army cantonment in India.Was set up by the British.

2. Home to the Sepia Mutiny 1857 revolution.

3. Has some of the best sweet shops in India.

4. Is an extremely modern town with many multiplexes, malls industries and businesses.

5. Meerut perhaps has the largest number of gun shops in India ( P.L. Sharma Road ). Until a few years back you could still purchase gunpowder and gunshot for use in muzzle.



An Account of the Opening of the Indian Mutiny at Meerut, 1857


Meerut is an old town and has a lot of history attached to it,especially military history. It seems that it has all facilites that are available in a city. But is according to population density and area a classified industrial town.

I have never lived in a town , so this new experience will allow me to learn more about North Indian culture as well, which has for long been labelled as loud, aggressive and materialistic. To a large extent this is true, history has shaped the behaviour and attitudes of the North people.

North India was largely under attack from the Greeks, Afghans, Mongols, Persians and other tribes of the North-West frontier. Hence most families boasted of male warriors, making women strong and independent incase of war. As time went of the wars were over and business flourished therfore making the warrior a rich man, but always living by aggressive war tactics. Nevertheless I have been the recepient of generosity and warm welcomes at many of these homes.

I realize that small towns have a culture very different from that of the metros. An important step would be to understand the mindset of the town people. I am looking forward to this, bridging the cultural gap. We've always been subject to the simpleton "Town" girl, and the catty "City" girl in the media. Eg: India Calling a serial of a small town girl working in a call centre. Let me see if this a true representation. I am interested in watching how my "identity" gets transformed but survives the stress.

I am looking forward to the Nauchandi Mela, which is held in, March every year.

Uttar Pradesh is hard to beat for the things it produces- Lucknow's chikankari; Ferozabad's glassware; Kanpur's leather; Varanasi's silk saris… the list is endless. And if you want a one-stop shop to buy them, come to the Nauchandi Mela in Meerut. A historic fair, more than a century old, Nauchandi is a month-long extravaganza of great shopping, good food, and UP at its noisy best. The Nauchandi Mela begins on the second Sunday after Holi This is when Meerut becomes much more than just a small satellite town of Delhi, and takes on a glitter and vivacity which is highly infectious.

The history behind the Nauchandi Mela is debatable; some say that it began as a cattle fair way back in 1672; others suggest a British revenue-collection fair as the precursor of the mela. Many Hindu devotees believe that it began as a religious festival to commemorate the building of a temple in Meerut by Mandodari, the wife of the demon king, Ravana.

The Indian middle-class (IMC) (to which I belong) believes that all politicians are smart but rascals. We don't care to know more of our politicians, save except to lambaste them. So last week when Pramod Mahajan was shot by his brother and while India waited to learn of his life-death situation, I was surprised to read so many positive articles on his association with the press and his apparently charismatic personality.

Over the weekend, I switched on to CNN-IBN and was catching up with the recent elections. Once again, I am degrading politicians and their once-in-five year -gimmicks. Comes on to my screen an old man in white speaking clearly and pointedly his mind. Buddhadeb Bhattacharya, the Chief Minister of West Bengal. The clearly Red Marxist state of India.



He's a communist with capitalistic goals. During the interview he held to his convictions without ambiguity,he seemed to know his weaknesses and strengths, his goals and priorities as Chief Minister of West Bengal. Apparently he also likes Tagore and Shakepeare, clearly a Bangla Baba, coffee-house intellectual.

So the political culture of India is very boring to the IMC, except during election or getting-shot time. It is time we look at the credentials of our politicians and bring to light for ourselves the ones that want progress for India, not the kameena-saalah (power game)types. Hardly makes a difference to us then.

I will be following Buddhadeb closely, he looks promising.

We don't have a designated "Mothers Day" here in India. Globalization and Markets have bought in many new celebrations. Since celebrating isn't such a bad thing we have also learnt to partake in them.

However celebrating Motherhood in India has been around for centuries. Hindus celebrate the, Durga Puja, honouring Mother Goddess Durga, in early October. Hinduism has always recognised the ideal of motherhood as the highest for a woman. Around the world "Mother" was a construct basic to any society and culture. Even Aristotle and Plato expounded the roles of mothers.

Over the years we have built many cultural assumptions, about "Motherhood". Like all women need to bear children to be a complete woman, that only a mother understands her baby's needs or a mother is the only 24X7 caregiver. On the other hand many women find it a hard choice to stay at home and raise a family. There is also a pressure to contribute to the family kitty.

Don't forget the expert advice being thrown at Mothers - How to develop your Child's brain power or Get him to be the next Einstein or some sort of thing like that. So it is like being a mother in this day and age is no longer a natural, intuitive task. It is a chore a duty that you have to be tutored in. I realize, I could go on and on on motherhood, its joys and assoicated anxiety.

But I would like to ask a question - Is "Motherhood" really valued in India? I don't think so. Look at the female foeticide rates, the care of new mothers in hospitals, the employment and health insurance policies of working mothers and pregnant women. If your unable to conceive there is a family pressure, I've seen too many contemporaries face this.


So while motherhood is a celebration it is also an obligatory biological process that women have and most time want to undergo. Once called, to motherhood there is no return back, we must learn to make motherhood a choice and right. If motherhood leads to discrimination, then create a stir if not for us then for our children.


My personal story:

During my miscarriage I didn't have any leave, just had to apply for my normal sick leave. Apparenlty the government has miscarriage leave. But what about the rest of us who work in the private industry.

During my 4 month pregnancy, I realized how work places aren't meant to accomodate a pregnant employee's needs. First-trimester sickness is taken for granted and is infact overlooked in all "maternity policies".

In my opinion companies should make some levy for pregnant women during their pregnancies. Then again I am not talking about compassion and kindness, but hard rules that will protect the interest of both employer and employee.

This is not really a time when you are 100% percent concentrated on your work, there might be a few exceptions, but generally most women are not at their optimum best. I can't get to think deeply about this issue, but maybe rules like a extra hour at lunch for rest, or minimizing work hours, flexibility in work hours, few days off for check ups or intense tiredness would help women cope better with their pregnancy and the work place.

Most provisions are made only for just-before delivery or post delivery. But having your progestorone raised and HCG levels high during your pregnant life gets pretty complicated and a work life very hard to adhere to.

A pregnant working woman, needs to negotiate at her workplace, to help her give the best to her job and her health. But the negotiation should result in "pregnancy- friendly" policies . And most women work to make the money, so recommending going on leave without salary, or a resignation is not an option.

I am actually shocked that pregnancy related work rules have not yet been formulated, here in India, even in Western societies I find women just sticking with discomforts of pregnancy but continuing to work. WHere is the value in Motherhood.


HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!


Mom did you Know?


In India, usually a maternity leave is for 12 weeks and the employer pays for the leave. In case of a miscarriage, a woman is entitled to 6 weeks paid leave from the day of the miscarriage.

The Maternity Benefit Act, 1961The Central Government passed the Maternity Benefit Act in 1961 which extends to the whole of India, and to every establishment belonging to the government – industrial, commercial or agricultural. It provides for certain benefits which are granted to a woman during her pregnancy. Also she cannot be dismissed from service on account of her pregnancy.The maximum permissible period of maternity leave is 12 weeks, with 6 weeks leave to be taken before delivery and 6 weeks immediately after the child is born. A woman can ask for light work before she goes off on leave. The employer cannot reduce her salary in this scenario. The maternity benefits can only be withdrawn if the employee joins some other organisation during that time.

I took the semester off to decide on the Ph.D course.I gave it up as the blog says, but fate intervenes and I am back on that dirt track once more.

I remember once my friend Jess saying, sometimes in between a project or a relationship for that matter one must stop and ask the question - Why I started it in the first place? So many things engulf you midway that you forget your initial intention.

So let me tell you the Ph.D began because I wanted to stay alive intellectually and morally. I was wasting most of my time hanging out with the wrong guys and trapped in an office cubicle. What would most interest me and redeem me from this drudge - a Ph.D degree was the option.

I was a Communications graduate trying to make a living out of the degree, which wasn't very respected. Mass Communications is a course pursued by many too dumb to study any other course and the very few talented communicators. Communications is such a heart-of-the-matter study, that few understand the kind of cocky, creative and intellectual cocktail personality you must have to be successful.

I decided then to take to academics, but in step-by-step manner. I qualified on the NET test, that National Eligibility Test, which allows you to become a lecturer in any of the Indian Universities.I was pursuing my Ph.D because this would be the give me an edge while applying for University/College jobs. I am doing all this while maintaining a 11 hour work day.

But life intervenes I get pregnant, have a miscarriage, travel abroad. Then my husband thinks I am smart and should give up the Ph.D for an MBA. The great Indian dream of an Business degree.It would give me a chance to do almost any available job. He thinks I would give most MBA's a run for their money. I think about it, it tempts me, but I have no heart for it.

I had people say to me that I should pursue a Ph.D at 40, I wonder what that means, that your old enough and you have all the time in the world to pursue a whim called the Ph.D, why not at 31, in your prime. In my heart I know what they mean, this is a hard road.

I once more question my self about the Ph.D - I am an army wife, the frequent moves, the rarity of Universities and Colleges at postings. Is it worth the money, time and effort. I might not even be able to pursue an academic career.

But I go back to why I started a Ph.D - I want to stay alive intellectually and morally. It allows me to put energies into a worthwhile project. It is as simple as that. No complicated reasons for pursuing a Ph.D and now it just becomes a challenge.

A blog entry on Ph.D. as Preparation for Nonacademic Careers.

Last week Kaavya, the young Indian-American, Harvard, novelist was very much in the news, here in India for plagiarizing many passages in what may be may be her first and last book - How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild and Got a Life. Part of the press seemed supportive of this little copying here and there. Part of the press just reported the story.

India's literary circles were take aback by this little brown tart. Even king of diasporic literature Salman Rushdie found it distasteful. Like I said before India is very proud of the success of its diaspora especially in the United States. The diaspora is giving us much more literature than Indian writers themselves. Thanks to international publishers, who love that all American geeky-turned-pop-idol makeover story.


In a way Kaavya, crashed that image of intelligent,talented, honest, hardworking, never-been-kissed female Indian immigrant. The truth remains the immigrant can be wild, have a life and kiss his or her dollars away.




The other lady whose doing India proud is NASA Astronaut Sunita Williams. But why is the Indian press always looking for the little Indian conncetion to make the country proud. Sunita is all the all American girl. Her predecessor Kalpana Chawla studied in India until she finished her under-graduation, so the stature she achieved here in India was well deserved. Sunita Williams whose Dad is Gujrati, has been raised American, but is needlessly being flaunted as Indian.

In a way Sunita, is building that image of Indians being the the hardworking engineer, scientist and astronaut. The truth remains she is American and her Indian roots aren't really buried in Indian space or soil.

I think as a country we are obsessed with the success of our nation abroad. Not wrong. The truth is success has duly been awarded to merit and talent especially in the United States. No wonder it will always be the dream of many to build a life there, atleast your daughter could be a novelist with a million dollar deal or a space astronaut.

Budhi with Olympian Daley Thomas and coach Das

Last week there was this huge uproar about the marathon run undertaken by four and half year old Budhia Singh. I was aghast with the little boys stamina and single mindedness. Every time he ran on the every one hour news, I wished he would be trained to be a marathon runner. I wondered was he talented, gifted or just plain pushed to run? Was the Limca Book of records his goal?

The public will never have a clear answers to this question. There fore my opinion on this matter will never be clear.

But whatever said , I hope this little guy is going to be running marathons the world over when he is older. I've read reports and articles that he shouldn't be running, he's being pushed by his coach, his tiny body under stress...but you can't dismiss the fact that he has the hall mark of a great runner. Running an average of 9.65 Kms an hour!! And to be world class you need a pushy coach.

I wish India nourishes and nurtures him to adulthood. It would be nice to watch Budhia run as a man.

All the best little one!

PS: Personally I am learning to play squash, I enjoy yoga and aerobics. I like running as well, but it can get a bit lonely . But Budhia's got an entourage behind him, so he won't get lonely.

I recently discovered a very titillating magazine to tickle my technical-bone called “Living Digital” very techno-pleasurable way of writing. It allows you to keep in touch with the latest in “Digital” personal equipment like cell phones and other black-shiny-silvery- home entertainment gadgets

To be honest, I never thought that India would produce such a glossy for the home consumer magazine, but guess I had my head in the mud. Look around me the digital culture has enveloped the middle class India. So how does this class of monied-technno-savvy class know about the latest nano technology that would be part of their gadgetry a year down the line.

Well you had coffee, wine, cigar lounges – now you have a Digital Experience lounge in Mumbai called Xplore.

The lounge works on a “Don’t buy, just enjoy’ for technology enthusiasts wanting a hands-on-experience with the latest technology. Bangalore and Gurgaon will also see such outlets in the future. Comparison tests, Video based workshops and tutorials will also be given to customers.

Living Digital

Technology excites people, especially the young hence to have a lounge would mean that will be a regular hang out for the gen-X. They can afford the gadgets and understand it. So what a tease this lounge will be.

Forget strolling the streets of Hong Kong to finger the latest gadgets , shopping in duty-free Dubai or Singapore or importing the latest from the USA, Japan or Germany. We’ve got it all here. Digital India has arrived

Another religious riot hits India. The Muslims and Hindus in the state of Gujarat.


Rudraksh - Hindu Prayer beads



Muslim Prayer Beads


MUSLIMS OR HINDUS - WE'RE ALL BEADS ON THE SAME STRING!